Mormon Swear Words

Swear words. I remember starting to hear kids say them in the later grades of elementary school. The number of swear words I heard per day peaked during junior high and dipped considerably in high school. But there’s a certain group of words that I’ve heard consistently throughout my entire life: Mormon swear words.

Yeah, that’s right, you know what I’m talking about. Those words that aren’t swear words but sound similar enough that you know what words they’re replacing. If everyone knows exactly what you’re not saying, then are Mormon swear words any better than the actual swear words?

Growing up, my mom had an unwritten list of “garbage words”—words we weren’t allowed to say. Swear words were on the list, naturally, but so were most Mormon swear words, mean words, and even words that we said too often (i.e. annoying words). I must confess I have said mean words upon occasion (sorry, Mom) and one Mormon swear word that inexplicably escaped the list, but other than that, I’ve been pretty good at not saying the garbage words. Yes, I am tempted to use these words upon occasion, but I feel I’m not tempted as often as I hear people say them.

The Great Facebook Popularity Contest

Image credit: Ben Earwicker

I log onto Facebook and see that John Doe has requested to be my friend. John Doe, John Doe . . . do I know any John Does? Let’s see, 3 mutual friends, ok, and . . . 1,825 total friends! How did he get so many friends? I had to really stretch for the, well, less-than-200 friends I have.

Even though I know it’s silly, I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me and what’s right with John Doe that makes him have so many more friends than me. Then again, who is this John Doe? I don’t think I actually know him. Does he, perhaps, request to be friends with people he doesn’t know just so he has more “friends”?

Popularity contests are not a new thing in our culture, and they start early in most people’s lives. In student government elections, students don’t vote based on platforms (not that there are many available platforms in school); they vote for whoever they like the most. And honestly, I don’t think things change much as we grow older. Yes, politicians can have radically different views and opinions, but for the most part, people simply vote for who they like or who their friends are voting for, if they vote at all.

Don’t Hate Me

Image credit: Arleynd Soca

My 11-year-old neighbor once said something that has stuck with me: “I know you, Craig. You hate to have people not like you.”

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I realize that she’s totally right. I do hate to have people not like me. Like, seriously, it really bugs me. I mean, I’d like to think that I’m a reasonably likeable person. I’m a little quiet (a little too quiet), I try not to be rude or sarcastic (well, not overly sarcastic), and I’m pretty funny. (Did you hear the one about the—oh, wait, never mind.) So when people don’t like me, I get a little irritated. And sometimes, I go out of my way to get them to like me. Which, as far as I can tell, has never been successful.

Take for instance my 11-year-old neighbor. I feel like I’m pretty good friends with the whole family. I feel like the girls are the little sisters that I never had, and the boys, well, kind of remind me of my own brothers. But despite the fact that I’ve hung out at their house fairly frequently over the past couple of years, the 11-year-old still gives me a coolness rating of 50%—a failing grade.