The Great Facebook Popularity Contest

Image credit: Ben Earwicker

I log onto Facebook and see that John Doe has requested to be my friend. John Doe, John Doe . . . do I know any John Does? Let’s see, 3 mutual friends, ok, and . . . 1,825 total friends! How did he get so many friends? I had to really stretch for the, well, less-than-200 friends I have.

Even though I know it’s silly, I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me and what’s right with John Doe that makes him have so many more friends than me. Then again, who is this John Doe? I don’t think I actually know him. Does he, perhaps, request to be friends with people he doesn’t know just so he has more “friends”?

Popularity contests are not a new thing in our culture, and they start early in most people’s lives. In student government elections, students don’t vote based on platforms (not that there are many available platforms in school); they vote for whoever they like the most. And honestly, I don’t think things change much as we grow older. Yes, politicians can have radically different views and opinions, but for the most part, people simply vote for who they like or who their friends are voting for, if they vote at all.

Having said all of this, a distinct possibility for why John Doe has so many more friends than I do is because he’s a part of an enormous Facebook popularity contest that I don’t participate in nor have any desire to participate in. I can’t even imagine having so many Facebook friends. Typically when I log onto Facebook, I cycle through my various lists of friends and briefly read about what’s been going on in their lives. I take more interest in some of my friends than others, but I’m still interested in what goes on in all their lives: their successes, sorrows, funny quotes, etc. With 1,825 friends, browsing through all that information would take far more time than I’m willing to spend.

Of course there’s a possibility that John Doe does know me and I just don’t remember him, and he’s actually really good friends with all of his Facebook friends. Some people are just super cool and can easily make friends with a ton of people. But my favorite author, Wendelin Van Draanen, has a great quote that I want everyone to keep in mind when choosing their friends on Facebook and in real life:

“People I know with lots of friends don’t seem to have any real friends. It’s like doubling the recipe when you’ve only got half the sugar—you wind up with a lot of cupcakes, but they’re not very sweet.”

Keeping that quote in mind, I decide to ignore John Doe’s friend request. Maybe in the future I’ll get to know him and add him as a friend, but for right now, my less-than-200 friends, plus my friends who aren’t on Facebook, are all the sweet cupcakes I need.