Rejection

Image credit: Sigurd Decroos

One of the things I love about preschoolers is how real they are. They've only been on this earth for a few years, and most of their time here has likely been spent in a loving home with a loving family. They haven't had enough time to experience a lot of rejection. Because they haven't been rejected much, they don't have many of the social barriers that humans naturally develop as they age. They commit faux pas such as picking their nose, passing gas, or crying in public without a second thought or any feeling of abashment. Preschoolers will very easily let you know if they're upset or let you know if they love you, things that become harder and harder as life goes on.

As we grow and experience more, we learn to put barriers around ourselves. We learn to hide parts of ourselves. At school, work, home, play, everywhere, we're constantly bombarded with subtle and not-so-subtle messages that we're not good enough, smart enough, good-looking enough, etc. Some friendships that we think will last forever fall apart. People are human, life happens, and the sum of our experiences teaches us that we need to be careful with who we trust and careful with who we give our heart to.

For whatever reason, I'm not a very trusting person. I'm an antisocial introvert. It's not that I don't like people or I don't want to be social; I just feel like I have a hard time with social activities. Having said that, a little over two years ago, I gave my heart to a girl. I'd had a huge crush on this girl for a few years prior, and I finally got up the courage to tell her how I felt about her. I told her I had crush on her and wanted to be with her someday. We got to be really good friends, and for seven months, I was ridiculously happy. Happier than I had ever been in my entire life.

One morning, my mom asked me if I had seen on Facebook that this girl was in a romantic relationship. Not with me. I was devastated. A few weeks later, this girl told me that she would never want to date me. Between her dating someone else and telling me she'd never date me, that's a pretty clear rejection, right? Apparently not. As far as I know, to this day she refuses to acknowledge that she rejected me.

The reason I'm writing about this is because even though it's been over a year and a half since she rejected me, it still hurts. It hurts that she somehow believes that she didn't reject me. I'm writing about this because her rejection is a huge reason I am the way I am today. I'm writing this because everyone has experienced rejection and deals with it in different ways. Everyone knows what it feels like to hear that song or see that movie that reminds you of someone you love who's not in your life anymore. This post is for you. The person who's been rejected and, hopefully, has moved on. Here's to you. You're not alone.