Impossible Dreams

Image credit: Cécile Graat

Last weekend, I watched the movie Frozen with my family to see what all the hype surrounding the film was about. Personally, I thought it was pretty good, but it didn’t live up to all the attention it’s been getting. I couldn’t help drawing comparisons to the movie Tangled, which I think is better overall. They’re both Disney CGI films with musical elements and goofy leading ladies. True, “Let It Go” from Frozen is a killer song, but as far as story and characters go, Tangled seems more solid.

There’s one particular scene in Tangled that I really love [spoiler alert]. At the climax, Rapunzel’s evil kidnapper, Mother Gothel, inflicts a mortal wound on Flynn Ryder, the love interest, and Rapunzel begs Gothel to allow her to use her magical hair to heal Flynn. As Rapunzel hovers over Flynn, preparing to sing her song that magically heals wounds, Flynn leans towards her as if to kiss her, but instead cuts off her hair, thereby removing her ability to save him but also ensuring that Mother Gothel no longer has any use for her. It’s a beautiful, touching moment of true love, and I especially love it because Flynn was portrayed throughout the movie as a rogue, but he turns out to be a nice guy.

As much as I love that part of the movie, there’s one aspect of the scene that bothers me. After Flynn dies, Rapunzel sings and brings him back to life. This bugs me for three reasons. First off, the movie had already established that the magical properties of Rapunzel’s hair disappeared from hairs that were cut, thus establishing the need for her long hair. Second, no part of the movie even hinted that her healing abilities extended to resurrecting the dead [end of spoiler alert]. Third, and most importantly, I’m bothered that the ending featured a magical solution that made everything all better. That’s become a pet peeve of mine with movies. I’ve seen too many films in which no matter what happens, everything is perfect in the end. The main characters, the “good guys,” are able to get everything they want.

Contrast this with a book I’ve read recently. I’ve been on a Jannette Rallison kick, and one of her books, Just One Wish, is about a teenager who tries to help her cancer-stricken six-year-old brother survive his battle with the disease [here comes another spoiler alert]. To save her brother, Annika travels to Hollywood to convince his favorite actor to visit him (how that will help him survive cancer makes more sense if you read the book). However, even though she’s successful in bringing back the TV star (who just happens to have a square jaw and broad shoulders, which are apparently the two most attractive traits a guy can have), a surgery to remove the tumor in the brother’s brain fails. Despite her efforts, he’s going to die.

It’s a sad ending, but it’s made beautiful by the way the brother is able to face his death with courage, grace, and peace [end of spoiler alert]. I love endings like this because even though not everything is perfect, the characters make peace with their problems.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I feel like it’s become a bit inappropriate in our culture to talk about human limitations. I always hear “inspiring” quotes about limitless potential, and the idea that if humans can pursue a task with determination and hard work, they can accomplish it. Anyone who says something is impossible or says that people do have limits is regarded as a pessimist.

Here’s the truth: humans have limits, we can’t do everything we want, and we don’t have control over everything.

Take Just One Wish for example [spoiler alert, again]. Did Annika try her very hardest to save her brother? Did she want him to survive, and did she believe that she could help him? Absolutely. But it the end, despite all her efforts, he died [end of spoiler alert]. I’ll use myself as an example next. A few years ago, I wanted something more than anything I had ever wanted before in my life. I had faith that I could get it, and I tried my very hardest, and it ended up not working out. For years, I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong, what I should have done differently, and what’s so wrong with me that I couldn’t follow this pattern of getting what I wanted if I worked hard for it. I’m only now coming to the conclusion that there wasn’t anything I could have done. I did my best, and it simply didn’t work out.

That’s what bothers me about the ending of Tangled and many other movies. I don’t want to give people, and especially children, the idea that everything works out the way you want it to. I understand why we love that message, and I understand that we should be optimistic and try to push our limits, but I think that any optimism should be grounded in reality.

In the words of the Rolling Stones, “you can’t always get what you want.”

Honestly, I think it’s unhealthy to perpetuate the myth that anything is possible. One logical conclusion of that myth is that it’s possible to go through this life without anything bad happening to you. I know that for myself, whenever something bad happens to me or someone I care about, I can’t help but wonder what I could have done to prevent the misfortune. Sometimes it’s okay to think like that because whatever happened really was my fault, but in so many instances, there was nothing I could have done. The fact is that no matter how hard you try, bad things will happen.

I think of the Serenity Prayer:

                        God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

                        The courage to change the things I can,

                        And wisdom to know the difference.

Can you imagine how much serenity we would feel if we were blessed in that manner? That’s a beautiful sentiment.

I also worry that the “anything is possible” myth also leads to victim blaming. Take poor people, for example. I’ve heard many times that the poor are poor because they’re lazy, unmotivated, and waste their money on drugs. Here’s the truth: most poor people are poor because they’re born poor. Likewise, most rich people are rich because they’re born rich. Here in America, we love to hear about rags-to-riches stories, but both rags-to-rags and riches-to-riches stories are much more common.

I do understand the reasoning behind these “inspirational” quotes about “anything is possible.” It’s great to have hope, to believe in things, and to push the boundaries of the possible. But as I said before, I really think our optimism should be grounded in the reality of limitations.

It’s weird to get inspiration from the Rolling Stones, but I wanted to extend the quote from before. “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometime, you just might find you get what you need.”